What Parents Dont Get About Camp

It’s been fun over this summer to read what parents think about summer camp. All those hopes for children’s gaining self-confidence or friends or independence! But let’s be honest, parents (or at least parents who weren’t campers themselves) don’t totally “get” the whole camp thing. And with campers coming home in droves, those parents are getting a full dose of the in-jokes, goofy rituals and the cherished memories that make up “camp.”

On a recent warm Monday afternoon in New York City, I waited for a call from Anne Marvy Hope, director of Herzl Camp in Webster, Wis., 95 miles away from Minneapolis.

As a former camper and staff member of Herzl Camp, I could picture Mrs. Hope running through camp, past picturesque cabins and groups of swimsuit-clad campers, to call. She was most likely wearing her signature “Life Is Good” T-shirt and cargo shorts, with a Crocs cellphone holder on her waistband.

Speaking with Mrs. Hope over the phone, I felt a longing. I was campsick. After spending seven years as a camper at Herzl and three years as a staff member, I still truly miss the place.

Camp is magical — a real Disneyland without the Mickey Mouse-shaped pancakes. It’s a place removed from the stresses and distractions of the real world, where staff members and campers alike discover a new kind of independence and responsibility. Camp is a place of positive transformation — where you dance to ’90s music between bites of cereal in the morning, clean up your dishes and make your bed with no complaints, and meet undoubtedly the coolest people in the world: your 19-year-old counselors.

As a camper, you always want to impress the staff. As Michael Thompson wrote, in some ways, camp counselors can out-parent parents. At 7:30 a.m., when your supercool counselors come to wake you up, it doesn’t matter how tired you are — you cooperate, enthusiastically. It’s like getting woken up by a celebrity every day.

Most staff members return to camp after years as campers to pay it forward — delivering the quintessential camp experience to the next set of campers. You are the warmest, silliest, most fun (and responsible) counselor you can be, because you remember just how phenomenal your staff was.

Staff members don’t work at camp because it’s easy or because they want to hang out with friends. Dan Fleshler’s daughter had it right when she told him that she wanted to return to camp for one more summer as a counselor because it truly mattered.

Job recruiters — listen closely. As a staff member, you are on call 24/7, sleeping six hours a night and spending the remaining 18 outside, running around with your campers, planning programming, catering to every need of your cabin and getting more mosquito bites than you thought physically possible. The dedication to your work, the happiness of your campers and their personal growth is incalculable. You want an easy, restful summer? Go get an internship. You can sleep all weekend long and get paid a lot more, too.

It’s been three years since I last worked at camp, and my former campers are now staff members. I can’t help but gush as I hear how extraordinary my “kids” have become, what unbelievable staff members they are to the next set of campers. Before I hung up the phone with Mrs. Hope, I gave her specific instructions to seek out my campers — “Tell them I miss them, O.K.? Give them all hugs from me.” Even though my “kids” are only four years younger than me, it’s the kind of relationship that camp fosters.

It’s quite extraordinary watching a camper transform from Day 1 to the end of the camp session. For some, learning how to make their own choices and forge their own paths is an enormous step. With others, you see a previously shy camper turn into one who loves to dress up in neon T-shirts for dinner and can throw an ultimate frisbee farther down the field than anyone else. You see campers learn how to interact with 19-year-olds, and see them begin to emulate the positive examples of their counselors.

Above all, you see them find joy in growing and exploring on their own, despite their parents’ worry.

“We have to give our kids credit,” said Mrs. Hope, who is also a mother of three. “We really don’t get how much power our own kids have, whether it’s an innately human thing, or inner strength. Give your kid credit. They have all the stuff they need inside, and camp is a place to draw it out.”

Figuring out how to get from one activity to another gives campers a sense of ownership. If you don’t like the meal, you can make yourself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You learn how to figure it out.

“They are solving problems all day long on their own all day long,” Mrs. Hope said. “They love that.”

“You will never see happier kids than kids walking in groups of two or three in a windy path through the woods,” she continued. “Those 200 steps in the dark woods to the bathroom feels wrong, but they know it’s O.K. There’s something rebellious about camp that’s really safe at the same time.”

So, parents, understand that no matter how hard you try, sometimes, your children are going to inevitably say, “You don’t ‘get’ it!”

But maybe it’s a good thing. Sending them to camp as campers, and supporting them as they return as staff members, gives them a gift that they’ll keep for the rest of their lives, one you or their noncamp friends might not completely understand.

When they get home, after gawking at carpeting and eating their favorite home foods, they’ll dump their piles of laundry and collapse in their beds, with funky tan lines from sandals.

Soon, they’ll tell you all about camp — the canoe trip, their new favorite sport, the huge frog they saw, their favorite Friday picnic lunch and their new best friends from all around the country. Soon. And when they do, let them revel, just a little, in exactly how much you don’t “get.”

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